when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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