You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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