I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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