It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
