and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
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no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
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Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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