god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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