someone get that fucking seahorse.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
