Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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