I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
