you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
