saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
