I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
