Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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