Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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