did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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