She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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