my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
