I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
