70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
