I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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