i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
