never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
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Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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