We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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