gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
