So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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