I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i've created a new STD.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Randomize
