so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
