Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
