Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
