What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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