I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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