So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
