So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
