dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
