Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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