Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
I used to kick so much ass
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So much Jack, so little girl.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.