I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.