She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
You're right, stupid question.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her