weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
