what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
