Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
