the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
