I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
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When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
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I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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