I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
