you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
