Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
