there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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