I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
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