I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
