I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
