She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
