ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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