she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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