We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
