i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
