watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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