Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
