nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
