She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
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I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
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WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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