He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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