Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm at about main and main street
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
