i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
