I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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