just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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