a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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