giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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