you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
