Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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