You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
