Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
